Sod Off You Bloody Wanker! (and other British translations)

I was always under the assumption that us Americans and British folk had a lot in common. Now I am learning that with the exception of our mutual love of the Spice Girls, we are worlds apart. When I first came here I thought I would assimilate nicely. However, I'm feeling more and more that I stick out like a sore thumb. Starting with the language.. you would think.. hey! it's English right? NO. They say that every ten miles there is a different British accent and it's absolutely true! This can cause such confusion to special Americans like myself.. especially when we only see London accents in TV and movies. The majority of British folks DO NOT have that accent. 

You have everything from Cockney to Manchester to Newcastle to Liverpool to Stoke to North Wales to Birmingham... well, you get my point. The guy we live with has such a heavy North Wales accent that I literally CAN'T understand him. He's constantly repeating himself to me and still I can't make it out. One night I even agreed to put cake frosting on top of my ice cream because I had no idea what he was saying, so I just smiled and said, "yes". On the bright side, icing on your ice cream isn't too bad!

So, I thought I would have a little fun translating common British sayings with examples for my American friends! I try to say these, but it just sounds funny coming from me, so without further ado...

FUN BRITISH EXPRESSIONS:

Bloody- The most recognized of the British slang, with a lot of fun uses. Essentially used to emphasize something and is used most similarly to the "F" word in the US, although not considered nearly as offensive. "He was a bloody bastard!" OR "I couldn't get my bloody car to start!" -Can also be interchanged with 'flaming' or 'bleeding'.

Do One- to get out of the way/leave. "You're getting on my nerves! Do one!" -this can also be used in the past tense as well, "Her dad did one and left them all."

Sod- A nicer form of saying the "F" word. Most commonly used as 'sod off' or 'sod it'. "I told him to sod off because he was a bastard." OR "There's no soddin' gas in the tank!"

For England- You're doing a LOT of something. "She could talk for England", "He could drink for England."

You Alright?-  UK greeting. This is the British version of How Are You? This is very difficult for me because as Americans, we usually respond to that with 'yeah, why wouldn't I be?' This expression caused a lot of confusion between Cait and I when we first started talking. "Hey mate, you alright?"

Ta- This is how most British people say thank you (in addition to cheers).. instead of just saying thanks, they shorten it to this obnoxious phrase. "Would you like some tea?" "Yes, ta!"

Daft- Stupid. "Is the sky blue?" "Don't be daft!! Of course it is!"

Twat- This means the same thing it does in America but it is used a lot more over here and is less offensive. "Shut up you twat!"

Bollocks- It is technically a word for testicles. But more commonly used as a nicer form of bullshit, basically. "He's talking bollocks, pay him no mind." 

Mingin'- Something that is gross or nasty. "That horse stable hadn't been cleaned in ages... it was absolutely mingin'!"

Muppet- Idiot. "He was dancing like a fool, acting like a muppet."

Taking the Piss- Making fun of someone. "You look lovely today!" "Are you being serious or just taking the piss?" -Can also be said as 'Taking the Mick'.

Chattin' Shite- Making absolutely no sense. "You were chattin' shite in your sleep last night."

Ace- Awesome. "That dog was ace!" -I don't know why I find this one to be particularly annoying.

Bob's Your Uncle- That's it! Typically follows a set of instructions, can also be used sarcastically. "Place the nail, hammer it into the wall, hang the photo and Bob's Your Uncle!"

Cheeky- Basically, you are a smart ass. "Jimmy, why didn't you do your homework?" "Cause I didn't feel like it!" "Well, aren't you cheeky!"

Fancy- Something desired. "What do you fancy for lunch?" OR "Do you fancy driving into town?"

On About- British version of asking what you're talking about. "I'm confused.. please tell me what the hell you're on about??" OR "I'm on about getting the laundry finished!"

Fanny- British word for vagina.. which can be confusing as we use occasionally use it to describe a butt! "Her skirt was so short you could see her fanny!"

Fit- Attractive/good looking. "That bird (girl) was FIT!"

Gutted- Really upset. "I missed the concert and was absolutely gutted."

Knob- Another word for penis, used as an insult. "You're such a knob!" OR "He was acting like a proper knobhead."

Cuppa- Cup of tea, also commonly referred to as a brew. "It's cold out, would you like a cuppa?"

Knackered- Completely exhausted. Can also apply to objects. "I wanted to go out but I was so knackered." OR "My car is knackered, I need to take it to the garage."

Nicked- Stolen. "Hope no one notices I nicked this bottle of wine!"

Sorted- The British version of fixing things or getting things in order. "I need to sort out my life!" OR "Have you sorted what you're doing with the cat whilst we're gone?"

I just realized that's a lot of words! And there are so many that I left off! But now you have a starter course in British expressions so you can practice on your friends! ;)

I have been enjoying my time in the UK so much! I'm trying to embrace the differences. I recently watched a British talk show that Russell Brand was a guest on. He was asked about living in Los Angeles and if he missed the UK; his response was "I miss England and the 'English-ness' of things. I miss the way people speak to you". He hit the nail on the head for me... because even though we are speaking the same language, we don't speak the same WAY to one another. Their greetings are different and there's a bit more of a formality in conversations they have with one another, such as they always formally greet each other in the mornings. But I'm learning! One of the bigger and more fabulous things about Britain is politics. The subject isn't polarizing over here and there is no great moral debate about abortion and gay rights going on constantly. They are absolutely wonderful, sweet people that truly believe in live and let live. I'm happy to be here and happy to be experiencing a different culture. There is a whole big world to be explored outside of the US and I'm glad to be seeing some of it!! 

Oh, and here's a picture just for fun. We are house sitting for Caitlin's sister, her house sits on a hill and is GORGEOUS! Here is a panorama of her land with the Irish Sea in the background: 

MORE TO COME!! :)

Being a Free Spirit..?

Sooooo...

I've had tons of questions about what is going on with my life and instead of answering individually, I figured I'd write a blog since, ya know... I haven't used this. I'm like the world's worst blogger. Any way... I moved to NYC with big high naive hopes that I would find a job and settle in quickly. Unfortunately, the market in New York city hasn't fully rebounded yet and the job market is extremely competitive. I worked briefly for the Human Rights Campaign.. but that came to an end very quickly as they only paid minimum wage (WTF!) and the actual job was definitely not for me. I had no choice but to turn to temporary work and found a job at the Institute of International Education. I LOVED it there but unfortunately it was actual temp work, therefore no option of going permanent. To give you an idea of how competitive the NYC market was, one of the guys I was temping with had a MASTER'S degree! As you can imagine, it was tough goings for me... I applied for about 300+ jobs or so (some that I was very over qualified for!) and didn't even receive ONE phone call for an interview. I am extremely grateful for my time at IIE because I met some amazing people and got some awesome experience. However, I don't know if it was the stress of not being able to find permanent employment or what, but I found myself in a love/hate relationship with New York City. The energy is AMAZING.. it truly is the city that never sleeps. But I HATED the fact that I was constantly waiting for the subway... I lived in an apartment in Brooklyn for a while and it took me an hour or more to get home every day from Midtown on the EXPRESS train! And we won't even talk about what would happen if the train would break down (which was about once a week). Not to mention that on the weekends, especially Sunday, the trains ran about 20 minutes apart (annoying!). 

I also found myself wondering if I really wanted to commit to pay an EXORBITANT amount of money for a single room. The apartment I was in was WAY out in Brooklyn (Crown Heights/Lefferts Gardens) and to put it kindly... was kind of a shit hole. We're talking a fourth floor walk-up in an OLD building that was not well maintained. The guy I sublet from was SUPER sweet and had the most comfortable bed I've ever slept in... but his roommates were disgusting. Like.. SERIOUSLY. After the first few days, I couldn't stand their disgusting dishes so I washed the entire sink and eventually cleaned their horribly nasty toilet. The water pressure was BAD and it was a good day if the water stayed hot the whole time. To put it simply: it was GROSS.

Staircase:

Toilet:

 Toilet:

Toilet:

On the bright side, I saw some amazing sunrises from the window:

Now, seeing all the photos... how much do you think I paid per month for this apartment? ONE room, an HOUR from midtown Manhattan by EXPRESS train, fourth floor walk-up in a sketchy neighborhood, with less than tolerable tidiness... dun dun duuunnnn: SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! I just couldn't deal with paying that much for so little. If I moved any closer to Manhattan the price went up considerably. With all these things weighing on my mind, I had a lot of thinking to do. 

At this point, I had been speaking to my British friendgirl Caitlin for a few months via Facebook, Skype and text. I came to the conclusion that I didn't think New York was right for me at this time in my life and I should probably go back to Texas and start school. Then Cait and I hatched a scheme... I would come stay with her for 6 months (the maximum allowed by the UK) and she could come stay with me for 3 months (the maximum allowed by the US). Sooo.. I did it.

Caitlin:

So here I am in the UK on a 6 month tourist visa and it's been a blast so far. It is slightly COLD though. And I'm learning that British people have some sort of strange aversion to using their heating. Other than that and the price of gas being OUTRAGEOUS, it's been an amazing experience so far. The people in the UK are really nice and easy going. I would say the one downfall to the country (with the exception of their arctic conditions) would be the food. It is pretty bad. With the rare exception (yorkshire puddings and the fact that they have brown gravy with everything!).. it's BLAND. They don't believe in seasonings probably why the douse everything in gravy and anything labelled "Spicy" is LYING. I was told that a tiny bit of my Tony Chachere's was "too hot"! WTF? Anyway, I'll post a few pics and seriously make an effort to update this blog more although I'm sure it won't happen.

I'll highlight some of the more delicious things the UK has to offer in the next few photos. 

Cadbury is made in England! Did anyone else not know that besides me?? It comes from Birmingham, England and needless to say.. there is a HUGE variety of Cadbury products here. They have full on Cadbury chocolate stores and more products than I could ever imagine. Obviously the eggs have always been my favorite easter time snack and they have them in bulk at Costco!!!

Me with a carton of  sex in box eggs!:

A British staple: the CRUMPET! (extremely delicious, especially with PB&J):

 

All meat products in Britain tell you which UK country the came from (p.s. the British chickens are tiny!):

Welsh McDonalds (not great, but not terrible.. p.s. NO FREE REFILLS ANYWHERE):

Another thing made in the UK is Nestle products.. did you know Kit Kat's were originally made in the UK? They taste different from American Kit Kats but they are still yummy! They have a mint version that is to DIE  for!!! Nom.

British people don't store their eggs or butter inside of their refrigerators. It's weird to see eggs just sitting on the shelf instead of in the cooler section:

My favorite part of the week!! Sunday Roast day!! Every Sunday British folks make a roast with veggies, potatoes and YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS! 

Another delicious Cadbury product:

And another:

One day we braved a "Mexican" restaurant.. it was terrifying okay. This burrito is TINY and cost about $17. It was an experience.. and I will say that I think the British version of Mexican is better than the New York City version.

 These were the nachos.. not bad, but not enough cheese and the salsa was from a can (eeek!):

Fish and chips!

Pre-mixed drinks for your enjoyment!

Unsociable behaviour translates to "asshole teenagers":

The Conwy Castle!:

This is beach right outside our bungalow:

John feeds his dog out of a wok and sauce pan........

If you arrange the British coins they make the coat of arms!:

The Holy Well in Holywell.

View from a hill over the Irish sea:

Nice sunset over Rhyl:

 Holy Island in Anglesey:

No jalapenos here.. gotta grow my own:

Cait and I on the island:

A 50 pound note.. they're HUGE!

Compared to our dollars:

I'm gonna post more I promise!!! Thanks for looking :)